I decided to ditch dry January, because… kids, and decided to do TRY January instead.
The first week of February has flown in quicker than the entire 6 years of January. It seemed like it was the longest month ever and was never going to end.
I sucked last year. I was having panic attacks all over the place, I’d dug myself into a bit of a dark shouty hole and was dragged back out of it with some force when I noticed it had made a bit of an impact on the kids. I walked by the living room and had moaned at Harry for spilling his juice, for the 200th time that day.
Harry: ‘Mummy, why do you always only shout?’
Emily: ‘She doesn’t always shout, sometimes she cries in the bathroom.’
They KNEW I cried in the bathroom, I didn’t think they had paid that much attention or didn’t really care. I didn’t want to break down infront of them, so took myself off. Composed myself and came back. But they knew, and yet they still surrounded me like the little velociraptors from Jurrasic Park. They sense the weakest members and pick them off until they are running wild in the house with no one to shout at them over spilt juice.
So something had to change. Thats where try January came in. The challenge was to shout less, stress less and generally let the little things slide. With anxiety, the small things can seem huge. So taking a step back to remember that juice can be mopped up, pencil on the wall can be painted over and those new shoes that now have kids muddy foot prints on them? Well… I didn’t really like them that much anyways. Also on the list was getting out more, even if it was just a daily trip to the shops for bread, but trying hard to get out a little further and if the day went a little tits up and you end up watching disney movies in your jammas, rocking the most epic mum bun… thats ok too.
I decided last minute to take part in Project 52 with Sarah Cornish of M4H. A photo a week for the entire year. I’ll be updating these at the end of each month, I love picking up my camera properly again, it’s been a lot of fun so far!