A few months back I posted about my Dad. He has terminal cancer and the doctors gave him 3-6 month to live. That was 5 months ago.
Recently he’s gone downhill faster than a kid on a bike with no brakes. He’s been taken to hospital and will soon be put in a hospice, where specialist cancer nurses will do all they can to make him comfortable. Because that’s all they can do now. This is it. I have told the kids the best I can, they recently lost their great grandma so it’s familiar ground we are covering daily when they ask. We are trying to keep everything as normal as we can, still take them on days out, treats and evenings eating ice cream at the beach. We’ve made it a bit of a game visiting the hospital and coming home in our jammas in the car, seeing who can fall asleep first. It’s currently 80 mile round trips every few days and I have all the mama guilt for trailing them there, and ALL the daughter guilt that I can’t afford the journey and visit every single day.
It’s been the hottest summer we’ve ever experienced and everyones been a little grumpy. We are either stuck inside out the heat, or outside and melting. Scotland has zero air conditioning and we suck at being anything but comfortable. So, it goes without saying that keeping 4 kids fully entertained over the holidays in this heat is proving the hardest part of motherhood I’ve experienced yet.
We decided on a castle visit, at least with the muggy hot air we could escape down the dungeons and old bake houses and stay cool in the shadows. We could sit in the shade and do cartwheels into the sun. We caught the tail end of an armoury exhibition with a lively tour guide and watched the kids faces as he explained how people died in battle in the ‘olden’ days.
I’ve been feeling crazy overwhelmed recently, I’ve felt sad and the overwhelming guilt of enjoying the little things set in hard. But thankfully these guys have kept me going. And my husband, who made me get infront of the camera rather than behind it for a change. I’ve looked through boxes for photos of me with my Dad and there are only a handful. I know those are going to be SO important to be in just a few short months. I’d normally make some sort of excuse about not having make up on, or just not being in the mood but instead, I handed over the camera and scooped up my babies.
The next few weeks will no doubt be some of the toughest I’ll face, but I have some of the strongest little people around me. And you guys, so thankful I have such a wonderful support network!
You have been nothing short of wonderful and the advice I’ve had over on instagram has been second to none.
Cancer sucks ass, it really does.
Also thankful for Mr Rabbit, the communal snuggle aid. He’s never short of a cuddle, smells like Olbas oil and is one of life’s best comforts. I expect I’ll be snuggling him a LOT.
I love getting to share these images with you every few weeks, and I love that I get to do this alongside some of the loveliest ladies! You can check out their posts here:
Abbie: Lilypad & Bow
Amber: Meet the Wildes
Jess: Nora & Co
Kaye: Hello Archie
They are a massive inspiration and have the most beautiful posts to share too. They keep my creative flow going and I am so thankful to have this little tribe around.
All images taken in Direction Castle.