Sometimes to remember why you do something, you have to go right back to the start.
Yesterday, Ruby cried as I lifted my camera & said ‘ I don’t want you to be a retographer anymore’. The words cut right through me. She just stood there and looked at me. Little trails of tears streaming down her face and dropping onto her dress as she clutched Mr Rabbit tight to her chest.
Since she was a baby I’ve always had my camera attached to me, like another limb. Recording all those little moments. If I close my eyes tight enough I can smell her milk soaked lips, feel her tiny newborn hands, and rub my nose that soft little curl on the back of her head that seem to vanish before my eyes.
When did having her photograph taken become a chore? I worry its my fault and I’ve taken the fun out of it, having a camera where my face should be, nothing is right or worth it if you have to force it. But I hope its a mistake. A learning curve, one of those childhood phases we put down to her ‘age’.
Beautiful dress was a gift from the gorgeous Belle & Boo. Our absolute favourite place!