An Open letter to ‘those’ mummies | Shit Hawks

Constance Hall, Shit Hawks, Unite in motherhood, an open letter, shit mums, bullies, cafe notes, mummy blogger, mum blogger, uk parent blogger,

To ‘those’ Mummies:

Today I had a rare 2 hours off from mum life.  The twins had gone to nursery, my husband had taken the eldest on a morning out and I had a baby who was due a nap.  Score!  So, I hit a little coffee shop in town.  Armed with a note pad and pen and ready to finally get my 2017 to do list written out and get some plans started.

I chose a cafe Id never been too, having anxiety I like to stick to places I know, but 2017 for me is all about growth, pushing boundaries and becoming who I need to be.  So, lets push that boat out, get out the comfort zone and live a little.  I take it in little steps, one thing at a time and it makes things feel a lot less scary.

I got my pram through the door. *fist pump* first hurdle… done.
Next, find a seat.  I spotted one, the only one left in the entire cafe, at the back.  Now, I had my little single push chair.  I normally have a double, with a buggy board, 3 kids on it, 10 bags, blankets, scooters and a kid running behind me asking me to tie her lace or hold her latest art project so she can climb all the walls.  So one little one, I felt like I was kinda winning a life.  I maneuvered my way past the crowds, weaved and bobbed all the way to the last table.  And there you were.  A table full of mummies.  All with toddlers and one tiny new little bundle cradled in a mums arms.  She was adorable and my heart skipped a little beat and I was instantly broody.  There was a cluster of prams right in my path and it was only once I got closer I realized I wasn’t going to make it through.


I was starting to sweat a little as I had to reverse myself back through the maze, frantically apologizing to those I’d just squeezed passed and manage to grab a spare chair at a table full of uni students having a study session.

I got my note book out and looked for my pen.  Huddled into a little corner with a sleeping baby.  It’s ok, I’ve totally got this.. I rolled up my sleeves and ordered some tea.
And thats when I heard it.
‘Oh for god sakes, did she seriously think she was going to get her monstrosity of a pram past into that little space’.
‘I know right, could she have stared at me any harder.  Did she want to just take my picture?’
Another chimed in.
‘Who brings a pram into a full coffee shop anyway??’

You all had a giggle and kept on chatting as I sank into my chair.  I sent a quick message to a couple of friends while I held back tears and couldn’t believe how quickly a few silly comments had transported me back to high school.  I felt my legs tingle.  My heart was beating out of my chest and my cheeks started to get hot. I thought I was going to have a full blown panic attack there and then.

‘Shit Hawks’ my friend text back.  The kind of women who all hang out together cackling and oogling.
Waiting for prey.  And I was it.
You all seen me as the weaker mum.  An easy target.  Someone to giggle over to make yourselves seem tougher and like you had it all together for a minute.
And it made me sad for you.

I wanted to come over and tell you how hard it was for me to venture somewhere new today.  How I had a panic attack about being so far away from my twins.  About how I’ve had 5 hours sleep in the last 3 nights because my kids hate me and don’t want me to ever sleep again.  I wanted to come to the table and tell you how intimidated you made me feel and how mums of any kind should be more supportive of each other.

I am a huge fan of Constance Hall.  She came on the scene like a breath of fresh air, uniting women together, calling them Queens.  She promoted a massive amount of support between Queens and suggested we stick together, raise each other up and just be fucking awesome.  Be QUEENS.

‘Queens stick together, queens support each other. Queens conquer.’ – Constance Hall

It takes a village to raise a child, remember that old saying?  It’s never been more true.  Us mummies (and daddies) have got to stick together, where in the world would we be if we didn’t?  What kind of example are you setting for that brand new baby you candle in your arms?
Can you imagine if someone made her feel like I just did?

Eventually the cafe cleared and I felt like I could breath again.  The waitress asked if I wanted more tea.  A lady next to me asked me a handful of questions about Lucy and told me how adorable she was.
And my afternoon turned out how I thought it was going to be all along.
Full of kind strangers.  Who smile back when they catch your nervous face in a new cafe.

And then sometimes you cross paths with shit hawks that haven’t had the memo yet.
So, lets spread the word.  Rise up.  Help build up that village and be amazing Queens.

Because being a mummy is hard enough right?

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6 thoughts on “An Open letter to ‘those’ mummies | Shit Hawks

  1. Nicola Greenan

    You are such an awesome Mummy and your post just made me cry and angry at those Shit Hawks mothers that made you feel so sad. I know exactly how you feel about going somewhere new or doing something you wouldn’t normally do.
    I’m so proud to call you a friend Zoë, you are so much stronger than you think you are. Lots of love from one Queen to another! That sounds like a bit of a Freddie Mercury pun!! Xxx


  2. mrsvbsite

    How dare those women speak about you like that. It does indeed take a village to raise a child and as someone who has no village but has high doses of anxiety I hear you loud and clear.
    I’m proud of you for taking a new step today, I am proud of you for not having a panic attack and I am proud of you for staying there when you wanted to run.
    Sending all the Mumma love to you ❤


  3. Chloe: Picture Taker Memory Maker

    I am utterly horrified at any woman who could say such horrible things about another woman, let alone mother to mother. It’s just beyond my comprehension. We’re meant to help lift each other up, and support each other, not tear each other down.
    You and I have only met once, at Blogtacular (we sat next to each other during Lisa Congden’s seminar). Lucy was only tiny at the time and you were tired and tearful because you were doing it all on your own, with a newborn, in London, at a busy conference. I was in utter awe of you (and still am). I did my very best to lift you up and encourage you. I hope it helped at least a little bit.
    Sending you lots of love xx


  4. Bella

    I can’t believe grown women said that, let alone grown women who are parents themselves.

    Sometimes ‘those mummies’ have to go round in packs because they’re absolutely nothing on their own; aren’t brave enough to be in their own company, aren’t capable of knowing their worth without their baby as a prop.

    You didn’t miss out not being part of that group, you dodged a bullet. What a gang of sad cows!

    I have anxiety too and I know that going somewhere new on your own was a big deal and a fab achievement. So don’t lose sight of that.

    They won’t really have had any strong opinions about you or your pram or your manoeuvring you know – they were just showing off in front of each other like something off Mean Girls. And who’d what to sit with THEM, anyway!? X


  5. Lou @ Birds and Lilies

    Ugh, why do women have to be so bitchy. How dare they make you feel that way, especially whilst they’re in a group and you’re on your own with a baby. Sorry you had to go through that lovely, here’s hoping next time you come across the nice mums out there instead xxx


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