My Little Lucy | Little Letters

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My Little Lucy,

Oh how big you’ve grown.  I’m in denial about just how big my littlest has quickly become.  This week, without batting an eyelid, you rolled over.  As if you had done it a thousand times.  You looked up at me and gave me a flash of a smile, then rolled back and went about your day.  You’ve outgrown your moses basket overnight.  It still sits proudly in the corner of the bedroom, with your name sweetly hanging above it.  Each time I pass it I remember.  I remember setting it up the first time for Ruby all those years ago, it sat in the middle of the living room and it made me smile each time it caught my eye.  I remember the first time I placed you in it after I brought you home from the hospital on one of the warmest days in March.  It’s sitting unused but I’m not quite ready to take it down.

Not yet.

I took you for your last set of injections this morning.  This is the last time I’ll sit in the waiting room, dreading them calling our name.  You let out the biggest of screams then sobbed on my chest for only minutes.  I scooped you up and held you close and you fell asleep.  I carried you out, still holding you tight, guiding the pram with my elbows stopping with you on a little park bench, I nursed you as you stared up at me with tear filled eyes.  You fell back asleep and we sat there for a few minutes.  Snuggling so close I could smell your hair.  It felt as though the world stopped for a moment.  I closed my eyes, the sun felt a little warmer on my face and the birds seemed to chirp their songs little sweeter.  Your sleepy smiles make me feel safe.  You are this little shining light in a world that can be so dark.  Our little Bonus Baby.  We feel so incredibly lucky to call you ours.  Ruby adores you and the twins rub your fuzzy little head and say ‘Hi Lucy Pie’ each time they pass you, smothering your face with sticky little kisses.  I skip on what little sleep I get to watch you sleep.  To watch your tummy rise and fall as you breathe the finest little breaths.  We are already seeing the person you’ll become, you have an old soul.  A wild soul.  People say that you’ve been here before.  Like you know exactly whats going on around you, those wide blue eyes taking everything in.  I was terrified of bringing you into this world, and now I can’t imagine any kind of world without you in it.

You are our last of firsts.  Last first giggles we’ll hear from our babies.  Last first rolling overs.  Last first everythings.

If you could just stop.  Slow down.  Try and stay small for just a little longer.  I’m not ready.

Not yet.

Mama x

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