Lately | Motherhood

Being a stay at home/working mum is tough.  It really is.  It’s not all sunshine and giggles like you think it’s going to be.  Fun family walks, adorable bubble baths & perfectly timed bedtime routines.
When I had the twins, I had suffered badly from post natal depression.  It took me until they were around 6-7 months before anyone realised, including me & until very recently to let anyone other than my husband know about it.
It wasn’t the ‘throw everyone off a cliff’ type of depression,  but a ‘not let them out my sight, please please please don’t pick them up, why is that strangers head in my pram’ kind of fear.

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My heart would sink the moment our door opened, knowing that a visitor was coming and they would want to hold the new babies.  And it would fill me with dread, make my palms sweat so bad & I would feel nauseous, until they handed them back and I placed them back in their crib, tucked them in and they left.
That sigh of relief when they were snuggled back into each other.

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So many mothers suffer from PND and yet Its not a widely spoken about subject.  I had never understood other parents that had hidden it and hadn’t told anyone.  Who felt like they couldn’t even tell their families or best friends.  But when it hit me, thats exactly how I felt.  I remembered sobbing uncontrollably into a blanket, sometimes I couldn’t even wait until visitors had gone and I’d offer tea and run off to the kitchen and sob my heart out for 20 minutes.  Couple it up with anxiety attacks and I was a complete delight to be around.  Making excuses to run off into another room and almost pass out with anxiety on the floor of the first bathroom I came by.  After a course of medication, reminding myself daily that my children were an amazing blessing & having the courage to tell those closest to me everything fell into place and my anxiety and PND almost vanished.  It’s not so easy for some, but with the right support in place its a huge help.

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This week {month} I had to take a break from social media & blogging.  I’ve been having a tough week pregnancy wise.  I was feeling faint more often that not, my blood and iron levels were checked and after a few weeks of dizzy spells, headaches and general passing out, turns out to be anxiety attacks.  The reason is still unclear, but having to stop medication throughout pregnancy hasn’t helped.  Theres been no explanation for the sudden anxiety & I’ve been getting between 2-5 attacks each day.  There are no specific triggers, they just hit me.  It’s not a subject I would normally choose to chat about on my blog.  But sometimes you just have to put it out there.  I love and adore the mummy/style blogs and instagram accounts I follow but those perfect accounts, with the happy children, clean homes and stunning lighting, sometimes it can make you feel a little crappy. How on earth are all those mothers coping, and I’m not?

Emily, McDowell, Print, Quote, I will not compare myself to strangers on the internet
Print – Emily McDowell

You cannot compare your story to others.  No one has lived your life.  You are unique.  No one else can be you.
And until someone has walked even a mile in your shoes, they can never judge you.
So, go and be completely amazing, fill your life with gratitude for the wonderful family and friends that are around you.
It’s ok to ask for help.
It’s ok to ask for a hug.
It’s ok to need your friends & family.
I mean, Eeyore, he’s clearly clinically depressed and yet his friends don’t leave him out. He needs them and there they are.  Sadness or not. tying balloons to his tail and sharing their honey.
And I couldn’t have made it to where I am today without mine, you know exactly who you are.
And because when you look around, the world is pretty magical.

I promise.

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6 thoughts on “Lately | Motherhood

  1. Claire

    A very brave post – I too have been there and it really helps to hear your story.

    Reply

    1. Simply Ruby

      Thank you Claire, hoping this year is a lot kinder 🙂

      Reply

  2. Maree

    Thank you for sharing, it’s not easy to do. I’ve been there/still am there at the moment with anxiety, I’ve not figured how to get a handle on it yet but knowing what it is and that I’m not the only one struggling does help.x

    Reply

    1. Simply Ruby

      Thank you Maree, it’s a huge struggle and I wish I had been more confident to share is sooner. Its such a tough thing to go through, but only you can let it go and sort yourself. It comes with time, I still have days where I feel like the world is falling, but you have to remember… its not. Chin up!

      Reply

  3. Florence

    I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply

    1. Simply Ruby

      You are more than welcome Florence. Motherhood can be hard, but we are all doing our best 🙂

      Reply

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